Complications

I think I’m complicated. I also think that puts people off. That’s not too say that we’re not all complicated in our own way, it’s more that some complications are easier than others.

Complications that could be potentially a problem when dating, but don’t apply to me (yay!)

  • having kids
  • messy divorces
  • angry ex-significant others
  • being a dick
  • bad personal hygiene
  • terrible social skills
  • a universal hatred of other people
  • off-putting pets
  • Jealousy of everything

Complications that could be potentially a problem when dating, and do apply to me (boo!)

  • being trans

Okay, so, I’m over simplifying to make a point here, there are other complications as well, but this one does seem to be kinda the big one. It seems, and this is just me going on experience here, that I’m too well, complicated, for most people.

 (Again, this is based on my experiences, so put down your torches/pitchforks and stop that well orchestrated leaflet campaign, it may well not be the case for everyone.)

Thing is, I do get why it’s complicated for some people. We live in a world that’s very binary. Male, Female, Gay, Straight, Penis, Vagina. It’s all very straightforward, and this is what most people know.

When that gets challenged it can be unsettling, it can be confusing, it can make us think about our own personal identities. Any challenge, or change, to our world view creates a degree of resistance, and forces us to make a choice to accept and explore this new thinking, or to ignore or fight against it.
I know this because, every time my world view is challenged this is how I feel.

I have a friend, and she has a rule. She won’t sleep with anyone till the fifth date. She does this because she wants a relationship, and she says it weeds out the people that are only looking for one night stands, or something less committed, among other things.
I’m going to be honest here, this challenged me. I’ve always been of the mind that if you want to sleep with someone you should just do it, first date, third date, whatever date. If there’s spark and desire to do it, then go for it. Abstaining for a set amount of time is not something I’ve ever considered.
And yet, it made sense, in relation to the reasons she gave. It made me think about why I have a tendency to sleep with people on the first or second date. It made me explore this new thinking.

What I discovered is a post for another time, but the point I’m trying to make is that by considering something new, I discovered something good about myself, and changed how I perceive things for the better.

If going on a date with a trans person freaks you out, maybe you should just stop, just for a minute, and think about why that is. Maybe you have reasons that feel valid, and maybe they are, but isn’t it worth challenging?

I know, from experience, that it’s easy to tread the paths we always tread, but have you seen what’s off the beaten track?

You really should come take a look, it could be the best thing you’ll ever do.

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