If we were to go on the average lifespan of humankind, in the UK today, then hitting forty means that I’m halfway through this particular run. Of course, I’m going to aim for the big onehundred so I’ve got a bit of a way to go still, but here’s what I’ve learnt so far about becoming what some might call ‘older’…..

1.The mysterious case of the Grey Hair (Or white in my case.)
I always knew about these kids, and the way they just start appearing, but they’ve really upped their game recently.  What was a couple, is now quite a few, and I suspect that will evolve into lots.

At the moment, because I dye my hair, they’re only visible at the roots, but they’re there, and at some point, I’m going to have to make a decision to let them multiply and go strikingly white haired, or keep on dying them out of existence.

Also, as an aside, the grey hair is not limited to your head. Just putting that out there.

2. Everyone you know will be in a relationship.
I watched You,Me and Dupree the other day. It would be fair to say I related a little too much to Owen Wilson’s character.

3. You’ll become the coolest person ever.
You stop worrying about stuff you spent so much time over before, and it’ll show in how people see you. Not giving a shit about what other people think about the things you like is liberating and cool, and you’ll gather more respect for it.

Want to wear Black and Brown together? Fuck yeah! Looking good!

Want to sing along to Billie’s seminal pop classic “Honey to the Bee” and not feel judged? THERE IS NOTHING TO JUDGE HERE!

Basically not caring about what other people think about you and your choices rules.

4. You’ll become brutally honest.
Want an honest answer to a question? Ask someone in their forties. I am like the mouth of truth.

5. It becomes harder to stay hardcore.
By hardcore I mean doing stuff you did in your twenties. Older bodies do not appreciate the same levels of constant drink based lols that younger ones do.

6. You get better at life.
Not perfect, just better.

7. People look up to you.
This actually happens. You know when you were younger, and there was that cool Aunt you had? That’s going to be you. People will come to you for advice because they know you’ll be able to help, and be cool about it, no matter what the problem.

8. New Years Eve will never be the best night of the year.
I’ve done so many of these now, and although some of them have been alright, in reality the best nights of my life have been the unexpected ones, when there’s no expectations.

9. Sex becomes less with the ridiculous expectations and more about the fun.
There’s a lot of pressure and expectation around sex when you’re younger. It’s still there when you turn forty, but you learn to shrug it off more.
I’m the most comfortable with my naked body I’ve ever been. You’d be amazed what a difference this makes to everything.

10. You’ll finally start to know yourself.
This is the greatest gift you can give yourself. It makes relationships, friendships, family, decisions, life, the universe and everything easier.

As the philosopher Laozi once said “He who knows others is wise; He who know himself is enlightened.”