I’m going to level with you here, I make bad decisions when it comes to relationships. I know, we ALL make bad decisions when it comes to relationships, but honestly, I’m really, really good at it.

Now I’m bi, so you’d think that this would give me more options, and thus less chance to make terrible choices, but sadly the opposite is true, in that it just gives me greater scope to make bigger mistakes. Oh yes dear reader, give me all the choice, and I will chose the worst possible option for myself.

I’m probably painting a picture that’s a little doomy. You’re no doubt thinking Just stop making bad decisions!  and, lets be honest, you’d be right. Thing is though, it’s really hard to not do this.

One of my weak spots is people who are in some way broken. I say broken but that’s not really the word I mean. What I actually mean to say are people who leave a trail of broken hearts and emotional destruction behind them. I mean people who have issues with “being tied down”, I mean people that I want to try and fix.

And that’s the crux of it. I want to mend people who are ‘broken’. I want to be that person that makes a difference, that they’ll change for, because I’m that good. Except I’m actually not that good.

In my head, because I myself am broken, the only way I can make someone love me, make someone need me, is by making myself indispensable to them, by being that rock, that person, the only one that can save them from themselves. As you can imagine this never ends well.

By understanding this process I am making better choices, but I still sometimes wonder if being in bad relationships is better than not being in any at all, because the thing is, once I start deciding not to fix people, then I’m also deciding to not to date the people I fall for most easily.

Relationships are tough, and making good choices is tougher again, even if it is exactly that, a good decision.

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