I’m going to let you into a secret. It’s a biggie, so you should all hold onto something, or hug a kitten.

I’ve only recently discovered that the eyebrows we get ‘assigned’ , for want of a better word, don’t have to be the eyebrows we have.

I know. I think the internet slang you’re looking for is WTF.

I’ll elaborate, because that’s needed here. I have okay eyebrows. They’re not too chunky, or too hairy, or too mono-brow. They will totally do, and that’s what those kids have been doing, just hanging out above the eyes, looking okay. I’ve left them to themselves, and they seem content with that, doing what eyebrows do (actually, what do they do? is there something really vital underneath them that needs to be kept warm? The people demand answers!).

Anyhow, the other day I got them plucked and shaped. I’m not kidding you when I say it was a revelation.

Suddenly I have amazing eyebrows….. Somehow, they make my face better. I can’t put my finger on it, but face things just go together more cohesively, there’s tapering, symmetry, form, and also, yeah, killer eyebrows. Fuck yeah, as we say on the internets.