So, I’m coming up to the big one soon, and by that I mean of course my 40th birthday. Now I know I’m not the first person to reach this lofty age, and okay, I don’t look my age ( 32 was the most recent age guess I had – fuck yeah – in your face year forty ) but still, it feels sort of like a big deal.

This past year I’ve been thinking about all the things I thought I’d have done, all the things I thought I’d be, the place I would be in my life once I reached that age, and then thinking that very little of what I thought would of happened actually has.

Yeah. That kind of sucks.

For instance, I didn’t think I’d still be sharing a house with other people at forty. I didn’t think I’d be single at forty. I’m fairly surprised that I still have issues given that I’ve had nearly forty years to sort that shit out and I was kind of hoping to be earning more than like £15,000 a year as well, whilst we’re at it.

It doesn’t paint a pretty picture, and that’s before we even get to the alarming lack of sex going on here.

I do feel that I should be further along in life than I actually am, but if you were to ask me to quantify that in more detail, I’d struggle. I think it’s just that it feels like I should be, well , better at life by now.

That’s not to say I’m a complete fuck up, I think sometimes I do okay, but also, sometimes, okay just doesn’t seem enough.

Maybe this is just another symptom of getting older, maybe it’s just peer pressure, maybe it’s just societies expectations of what we should be when we reach an age where the term young person finally no longer applies.

All I know is that it feels too soon and I feel too young to be nearly forty.