I’ve been in a few relationships, and they’ve been okay, I’ve had a good time, but quite often I haven’t been especially happy. Yeah, there’s been some highs, but those lows, oh those lows. I’ve been single for awhile now, and although there’s been some low points, most of it has been good. I feel happy most of the time.

This makes me think, did being in a relationship make me unhappy? If it did make me unhappy why do I still think about being in another one?

I guess there is still a need to be wanted, to be found beautiful by someone. I personally know this to be true of me, there’s nothing more lovely than knowing someone finds you attractive, and on the occasions I’ve noticed someone checking me out i get a proper little buzz of excitement, which is a joy for sure.

But then, at the same time, i also absolutely love the freedom of being single too. I come and go as I please, I have no one to answer to except myself. Its a heady drug, and its pretty addictive.

Is there a middle ground? Can you have the relationship and the freedom? Would it even work? Or am I destined to flit from one thing to another, single until I get too lonely, then relationship-ed till I feel too trapped?
Maybe it’s just me, I look around and see everyone in relationships, and they don’t look trapped, they seem pretty happy, they seem in love.
Maybe that’s the trick I’m missing, maybe love makes not being single okay.