I think I’m a good person. It’s kind of hard to tell, as self praise is, apparently, no praise, but I’d like to think I am.
Thing is, it’s really hard to tell. Going by some religious standards I’m not a good person. I’ve broken 7 of the 10 commandments, and my Mortal Sins are numerous ( see Divorce, Blasphemy, Deliberate failure to go to mass on Sunday, Masturbation and Homosexuality amongst others ). I’m all over the 7 deadly sins, and if they actually were deadly, then I’d be in a lot of trouble. It looks, on paper, as if I’m a pretty bad person.
Except I know I’m not. I have my own moral compass, shaped by my upbringing, and the people around me. It basically boils down to “Be Nice” and “Don’t be a dick” ( with addendum’s as and when events dictate ).
I was brought up in a Christian household, and I spent a fair proportion of my childhood being very scared of God. The idea of something you can’t see, but that can see you, and spends all it’s time judging every little thing you do, for some reason, freaked me out. For a while God have to go live in the garden in a specially erected tent, such was my paranoia of him and his stalker ways.
I remember going to church, and being told that we all have sin inside us, and that we are bad people, not even worthy to gather crumbs from under Gods table. ( the image in my little child brain that went with this got mashed up with the story of Jack and the Beanstalk for a bit, I imagined God to be like the fee-fi-foo-fum giant ) It all got very messed up in my little head, which of course lead to lots of questioning of what would be considered a sin. Couple this with my own slightly screwed up gender and sexuality issues ( did I mention those? I have those, they’re complicated, we’ll talk later ) and obviously we’re about to board the train to Fuckedupville ( quite possibly it’s the fast service as well ).
All of this shaped my early moral compass, and as time went on and I grew up, it became more defined, and flexible, as I realised that we all do bad things sometimes, but it’s rarely as simple as right and wrong. I try to be a good person, and sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t, but I’m not a bad person, I’m not sinful and I am most definitely worthy.