There have been many, many awkward love moments in my life, some more so than others and I feel, in order to prevent others from making the same mistakes, I should share some of mine.

This particular moment happened when I was sixteen, sweet, dumb, naive sixteen.  I’d plucked up the courage to ask a girl out that I’d ‘liked’ for ages, and she’d said yes! How my little heart raced! I may well of done a little dance but it was a while a go so don’t quote me.

Nowadays we live in the future. Arranging a date is easy, we text, we phone, we email, we get our robot butlers to deliver messages to our love interests in their flying cars. Life is simple, organising dates is simple. But in the old days it wasn’t like now. We didn’t have mobile phones, we didn’t have home computers and robot butlers were just a twinkle in a scientists eye. Oh the early 1990’s were dark days indeed, it was a technological wilderness where people still believed CD’s were indestructible and Microwaves were the future of cuisine.

So, anyhow in order to arrange a date, it was either phones ( as in telephone boxes if you wanted any sort of privacy from parents/siblings/pets ) or writing letters.  I decided letters were the way forwards for arranging dates, and duly wrote to arrange a date for 2 days time. I think you can see where this is going.

After waiting at the ‘pre-arranged’ location for three hours the penny did drop that maybe letters were not the best way to arrange to meet someone.

As you can imagine this was pretty awkward, but stick around, it gets worse.

For the second attempt at a date it was decided the phone was definitely the way forward. The whole instant-ness of it seemed to work better for arranging stuff involving a time,date and location and so things seemed to be back on track. The day comes, I wait at the officially pre-arranged location and she turns up. Things are looking up. She asks what should we do. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. Things take a nose dive.

My brain whirs. Think! What would The Fresh Prince do? A walk! That’s what Will Smith would do, he’d suggest a walk! ( Nope, I have no idea why I thought this. ) It’s a hit, Walks are good, we start walking. She even suggests a place to walk to. A lovely secluded spot, by a stream, in a little wood. Oh yeah! I love streams in woods!

We get to the stream, in the wood, and sit down against at tree. There’s some silence. I feel I should be doing something. There’s more silence. There’s a tension in the air. It’s not so much sexual tension, more OHMYFUCKINGGODIDONTKNOWWHATTODOFUCKSHITCOCK tension. If I could speak to myself then, as I am now, of course I’d say ‘ Hi, I’m from the future, kiss her you idiot’. Sadly though this didn’t happen. Instead we just sat there for about an hour punctuating the overwhelming silence with occasional painful small talk. Then we got up and went home.

A few days later I got a letter from her. I think you can guess what it said regarding the future of our relationship……