Archives for the month of: September, 2012

Part of breaking up with someone is what happens next. You go from one relationship with that person, into another, very unlike the one before, and it’s disconcerting to say the least.

I’ve been the dumper, and dumpee, and both times we actively agreed to stay friends. Which is not easy. In fact its confusing, tricky, complex and awkward. It’s also totally worth it.

The first time I was the dumpee, in a mutual sort of way. It was a long long term relationship, we’re talking double figures years wise, and it was also my first relationship, so double wammie there as well.

It kinda had to happen, we wanted different things, blahdy blah, you know the story, it’s been told enough times, but anyhow, even though we couldn’t be together, we still wanted to remain friends. It was hard, especially as she went into a relationship fairly quickly after the break up, whilst I stayed a singleton. Meeting at first was awkward. Do we kiss? If we do, where is okay? ( okay some places are obviously not okay, but I’m talking lips, cheek, air above the face, hand? ) How about paying for food? talking about current relationship status-y things? hell, talking about our relationship? What’s okay?

Anyhow, once you get past that bit, it’s okay. It seems, to me anyhow, such a shame to loose someone who once meant so much, and as long as you both can get over not being in the relationship, and get into being in a friendship then it can be a great thing. I guess, like everything it needs time, willingness, and work.

And the other relationship, where I was the dumper? That’s a different story again, and one i’ll go into more in the next post…….

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There have been many, many awkward love moments in my life, some more so than others and I feel, in order to prevent others from making the same mistakes, I should share some of mine.

This particular moment happened when I was sixteen, sweet, dumb, naive sixteen.  I’d plucked up the courage to ask a girl out that I’d ‘liked’ for ages, and she’d said yes! How my little heart raced! I may well of done a little dance but it was a while a go so don’t quote me.

Nowadays we live in the future. Arranging a date is easy, we text, we phone, we email, we get our robot butlers to deliver messages to our love interests in their flying cars. Life is simple, organising dates is simple. But in the old days it wasn’t like now. We didn’t have mobile phones, we didn’t have home computers and robot butlers were just a twinkle in a scientists eye. Oh the early 1990’s were dark days indeed, it was a technological wilderness where people still believed CD’s were indestructible and Microwaves were the future of cuisine.

So, anyhow in order to arrange a date, it was either phones ( as in telephone boxes if you wanted any sort of privacy from parents/siblings/pets ) or writing letters.  I decided letters were the way forwards for arranging dates, and duly wrote to arrange a date for 2 days time. I think you can see where this is going.

After waiting at the ‘pre-arranged’ location for three hours the penny did drop that maybe letters were not the best way to arrange to meet someone.

As you can imagine this was pretty awkward, but stick around, it gets worse.

For the second attempt at a date it was decided the phone was definitely the way forward. The whole instant-ness of it seemed to work better for arranging stuff involving a time,date and location and so things seemed to be back on track. The day comes, I wait at the officially pre-arranged location and she turns up. Things are looking up. She asks what should we do. I hadn’t thought this far ahead. Things take a nose dive.

My brain whirs. Think! What would The Fresh Prince do? A walk! That’s what Will Smith would do, he’d suggest a walk! ( Nope, I have no idea why I thought this. ) It’s a hit, Walks are good, we start walking. She even suggests a place to walk to. A lovely secluded spot, by a stream, in a little wood. Oh yeah! I love streams in woods!

We get to the stream, in the wood, and sit down against at tree. There’s some silence. I feel I should be doing something. There’s more silence. There’s a tension in the air. It’s not so much sexual tension, more OHMYFUCKINGGODIDONTKNOWWHATTODOFUCKSHITCOCK tension. If I could speak to myself then, as I am now, of course I’d say ‘ Hi, I’m from the future, kiss her you idiot’. Sadly though this didn’t happen. Instead we just sat there for about an hour punctuating the overwhelming silence with occasional painful small talk. Then we got up and went home.

A few days later I got a letter from her. I think you can guess what it said regarding the future of our relationship……

 

 

One bad thing about this single life is what you do when you’re ill. Now when you’re in a happy stable lovely relationship, if you’re poorly then it’s expected that your other half ( note to self- never use that term again, it looks at me funny and makes me want to glare ) does things like sooth your brow, buy you magazines, get you soup and make sure you’re not dead every hour or so.  This is all good and expected but …… hold the horses there, if you’re single there’s a vital part of this care plan missing, that being the other person.

Which is what I discovered after I’d thrown up at work and dragged my rather sorry ass back home. I got undressed and got into bed. I felt cold. I need a hot water bottle. None was forthcoming. I need some soup. The nearest soup is in my local corner shop. I’m ill! Ill people have to stay in bed! HotDamn!

So I get out of bed. I get dressed. I go to the shop and buy a tin of soup for a vastly inflated price. I go home. I do myself a hot water bottle. I feel like shit. I get into bed. I get out again and get undressed. I get into bed and hug the hot water bottle and eat my soup.

I wish I had some toast.

So, this is the bit where I introduce myself, talk about what I’m doing writing about personal stuff on the internets for everyone to see, and be both witty and interesting.

Who am I? Someone you might know, or maybe someone you don’t, I guess the more I write the more you’ll know….

What am I doing? Well, mainly writing about being Single in my late thirties, although other stuff will inevitably come along as well. If there were a list of Categories with boxes to tick I’d tick Personal Blog, and then Space Blog, because who doesn’t love Space? ( as in Outer, not area around you free of debris, obvs.  Also, should point out that posts about Space might be less frequent, if you are looking for a Space blog…..).

Am I witty and Interesting? No comment.

And we’re off……..

Freiya Benson

Writer & Photographer.

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